Excuse me, have you seen my life? I misplaced it somewhere, sometime last March. I miss it.

It was cute — about yay long, moderately busy, full of train journeys and charity shops and overpriced lunch? Not the fanciest life, but it was mine and I’d just like it back please. Because this one — whatever it is — doesn’t fit right.

The switch happened quickly and slyly, I’m guessing in the middle of the night or while I was distracted by rolling news. At first I thought it was a continuation of my life, a weird plot twist, a…


For years, we scoffed at ‘date night’. The idea that you’d need to synthetically jump-start your relationship through cocktails at a chain restaurant, or photographing yourselves in the living room like you’re off to a latter-day leaver’s disco. How basic. How mundane.

Then we established our new tradition. On Fridays we meet for a pint and a half at our favourite local, followed by dinner at the reliable Vietnamese place up the street.

We order the exact same thing every time. We chew over the week along with spring rolls and bun cha; dissecting each workaday detail and piece of…


Making a list, checking it twice — but over the age of 10, are gift requests naughty, or nice?

Around this time every year, I have conversations with friends that go like this: “Argh I have NO idea what to get Dad, he hates everything.” “What do you buy for a sister-in-law who moved to Bali to live in a tree?” “Ffs, I spent £40 on a monogrammed leather shaving kit then remembered he has a beard.” “I just WISH I knew what they’d actually like.”

During these chats I make sympathetic noises, but I am smug — because I…


The first time I took my heathen boyfriend to church, it was Easter Sunday.

“Skip straight to the good stuff”, I thought. “God’s greatest hits!” It’d be all daffodils and alleluias and egg hunts round the vestry, nothing too terrifying for an ecclesiastical virgin. …


These Times

These unprecedented times

These unsettling times

These strange and unsettling and worrying times

These uncertain times

These times of uncertainty

These uncertain times of uncertainty

These batshit times

These turbulent times

The Current Climate

Current Happenings

‘Just now’

As we navigate unchartered territories

As we sail these stormy seas

As we walk trepidatiously into the dark abyss

What a mad one!

Crazy!

Surreal!

Weird times

Scary times

Unprecedented times

These Times

Anyway.

I hope you are well?

*

Image: Aron Visuals on Unsplash


We’ll be good people when all this is over

(they say)

We’ll breathe deeper, love harder, hold closer

We’ll notice the birdsong and block out the noise,

make things with our hands,

face problems with poise

We’ll be good people when all this is over

(they say)

We’ll plant trees and frolic in clover

We’ll savour this feeling of in-it-together,

build bridges and learn to bitch less

about weather

We’ll be good people when all this is over

(they say)

We’ll limit our screentime exposure

Send elegant letters in paper and ink

Set spare time aside just to sit

and…


…and let your cynicism go

“In the fairground of the calendar year, Valentine’s Day is the waltzer,” I once wrote, in a column so embarrassing in its unenlightenedness that I can’t recycle any more of it here. “Garish, nausea-inducing, yet somehow managing to look like everyone on it is having the time of their lives.”

I wrote this in 2009, which fell firmly in the ‘BVD’ era of my life. No, not that. ‘Before Valentine’s Day’. It was several years still before I even got my first card, a year after the Valentine’s Day where my then-boyfriend stood me up…


Lurgy season is upon us. But at least it’s an excuse for some serious comfort eating.

For all the common cold is a miserable ordeal — and it really is, she says in a pathetic rasp from deep within Tissue Mountain — you have to admit it does have some redeeming features.

For one thing, the right to cancel all plans, have a very hot bath and go to bed at 8pm (if you have the luxury). For another, the excuse to go to Boots and do a lurgy haul, pretending for a few happy minutes that you can cure…


Let’s begin by stating the obvious: leftovers are better than Christmas dinner. It is, and this being 2019 I do not use the term lightly, an unequivocal fact.

I have evidence; 65% of my Twitter followers agree, and the ones who voted ‘no’ are just being contrary. It’s part of a wider human truth; just as the chips you have at the end of a night out are usually more enjoyable than the party, festive leftovers are our annual reminder that good things come to those who wait. Then wait a little more. …


Last week I found myself in A Bit of a Situation. I’d gone to my local deli and picked up some bread (with tongs, calm down), but halfway through putting the loaf in the bag I remembered I didn’t actually need bread. I’d already bought bread that morning. Rather than putting the bread back and calmly leaving the shop, I panicked, went into a paroxysm of guilt and bought a tub of hummus and a coffee I didn’t want. The combined cost of these was about double the loaf, but at the time it still seemed a reasonable price to…

Lauren Bravo

Food, fashion, lifestyle writer. Author of How To Break Up With Fast Fashion, and What Would The Spice Girls Do? A flibbertigibbet, a will-o-the-wisp, a clown.

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